emergencyregistrar

it is 14 hours to the OSCEs.

I sit here in this nice, sparkly clean apartment with my laptop on my thighs. Notes / books scattered on tables/floors.

The shirt/scrubs are ironed / hung on hangers….

The shoes ready. Next to the door.

People tell me that I am ready. I don’t. I really am not.

I had a rough few weeks. Personal matters.

For the first time in my life, I have actually thought about suicide. It is real. What if ?

Don’t worry (I have more reasons to live)

Just goes to show that even myself am not immune to these thoughts. Suicide is real. Depression is real. I used to think that people on anti-depressants don’t necessary need to be on them …..

I had few encouraging emails from old bosses :

the most encouraging one was “good luck” but the truth is “you don’t need any more luck”
“you are a FACEM”

now….to try and remember that we actually measure thrombin time for dabigatran and now Xa levels….

or which is Neer’s test again. or Hawkins. or Mcmurrays…

Look. Feel . MRI !

It is 9 days… to the 3 day extravaganza they call the “ACEM Fellowship OSCE Exam”

I have 2 more work days ; so that makes is to 7 days.

7 days to practice :

101 ways of taking various history and exam i.e. headaches/abdo pain/chest pain/syncope

dozens of various physical exams e.g. cardiovascular exam / knee exam

dozens of data interpretation

Hundreds of variants of Simulation scenarios

Dozens of communication practices

Hang..on..I should have practiced them for the last 4 years !

Phew.

The nerves are getting to me. Silently.